The College Roommate
Tips on how to adjust to life with your college roommate😉
By Dr. Danielle Kish
As college freshman around the country are preparing to live on a college campus for the first-time excitement is in the air and possibly a little nervousness as they anticipate having a college roommate. Often this is someone that you do not know and that can bring with it a little anxiety. Will you like this person? Will they like you? Is this going to be my BFF for life? All valid thoughts that can go through someone’s mind. Unfortunately, like many things about college, this is YOUR journey, and there is not one straight answer, only time will tell. The best thing you can do is be prepared and set proper expectations.
In the first Living on Campus Blog, we tackled the tips and lists needed to get packed and move into the Dorm Room! During that blog we talked about reaching out to your roommate prior to moving in, now we will explore some ideas on how you can break the ice and make this experience a good one for both of you. There are numerous articles to help prepare students for living with their college roommate. Today we want to highlight some of the best ideas, recommendations, and information so you can have a smooth transition and start enjoying college life!
1. My College Roommate, my new BFF??
When you talk with those who have attended college you may hear that they met some of their best friends in college, I am one of those people. What you may not hear is that it was not perfect from the moment they met them, again I am one of those people. Do not assume that all these friendships started because they were roommates. As with any relationship, it takes time to form these bonds. Head into the dorms with the idea of having a good relationship with your roommate, someone you get along with, and that you can comfortably live with. Remember to give each other the space you need to study and enjoy your campus experience. You will meet many people on campus, your college roommate may end up being your BFF, or one day they may be someone you look back on fondly when you remember your own college experience.
2. Start communication early!
In the DORM ROOM blog, we talked about reaching out to your roommate so you can prepare for your move. Yes, you should do this, but also use this time to get to know this person. You will be living with this person for the next year so getting to know them better can help break the ice and get your time with them off to the best start. If you are both local, perhaps you can find a time to meet up. Discuss not only the items you are bringing to the dorm, but you can start to establish the boundaries that will make your living arrangements easier.
3. What to discuss?
When you talk to your roommate for the first-time start discussing living habits so that you can each know what to expect. This will help with the adjustment of your shared living space.
Let’s start with alarm clocks. By discussing your class schedule with each other, if you are lucky and your classes start at 10 or 11 this is easier to handle, but what if your first class is at 7:40 am and you have no choice but to set an alarm. How many times is too many times to hit the snooze button? One snooze, most will understand, but if your habit is to hit the snooze five, six, or 10 times… that may become difficult to live through. You do not want your alarm clock bringing tension into your dorm room.
Discuss what items, if any, you will be sharing and how you will be respectful of the space. If you are sharing a mini fridge, break up the shelves so there is enough room for each of you. Same with shelf and closet space, when you are in the room decide what works for each of you and stay committed to following the expectations you set. If you need to, put your name on your items, such as bathroom items so that there is no confusion on who’s is who’s. If you need to borrow something, just ask. If you share a bathroom in your dorm room this might help when you start filling the shelves. If you are living with a communal bathroom down the hall, make sure your shower caddy is filled and ready to go. Rember if you leave anything in that communal bathroom it might not be there when you get back, so your shower caddy is your friend for easy transport.
Discussing study habits might be a good idea. If you like to lay in your bed with your books laid out, the music blaring, and the TV on mute, this could be distracting for your roommate (also, possibly not the best study habit). If your roommate prefers the library that helps. But if you do your best studying at 11 pm this will make it difficult for your roommate if they need to get some sleep for that 7:40 am class. By discussing this with your roommate you can set your own study times in the room so that you each have the environment you need to study and live in.
Do you want to lock all the doors and windows every time you leave the room? Perhaps you are just going to run down the hall to use the bathroom or borrow something from a floormate down the hall, are you going to lock your door or just shut the door, or neither? You do not want to have someone walk in and take something from your dorm room (something of yours, or worse your roommates), even if they are just borrowing something. I would love to say that this situation is never going to happen, but the purpose of this blog is to help with ideas and expectations for life on campus. Which reminds me if you bring your bike to get around… LOCK IT UP every time! Again, I hope that no one encounters this, but at your parents’ house you probably put your bike in the garage and locking the doors all the time was something your parents did every day/night. 😊 (Thank you Mom’s & Dad’s for keeping us all safe!)
4. Who is coming into your room…
It is great to get out there and meet people, one of the best experiences on campus. The dorm room is your and your roommates living space so it is understandable that you will have friends and possibly study groups over. I encourage you to think about how often you have people in your dorm room, especially if your roommate is not involved in these groups and you have different friends. If you know your roommate is studying for a big test and they prefer the quiet of the dorm room, perhaps you can meet on the quad or at the library. There are so many great places on campus to interact, find that perfect tree with shade, or the college cafeteria, on the quad, the library, or my college had a bowling alley. Also, if you want to keep your dorm room open and just let anyone stop by, talk with your roommate. If they are not comfortable with that, maybe you can limit the time the door is open allowing your roommate some quiet time. It may also be good to set expectations for any overnight guests (friends, family, etc.). You both can decide what that looks for you even if that means you decide you do not want to have anyone else sharing the space, even for a weekend visit. This is a shared space and making sure that you are both on the same page is a priority.
5. All the noise
We may try to hide it, but we all have idiosyncrasies that may not be welcomed by someone else. There are some that we can help with like talking on the phone all the time, perhaps having some of these conversations in common areas or while taking a walk will help. Some, like snoring, there is not much that can be done by the other person, but you can try a few things to help with the sound. A noise machine, earplugs (if that is comfortable), or bring a fan into the room and put that on high, a form of white noise that might help you sleep and alleviate some of your frustration. Music is another consideration, it is understandable to turn the music up when you are alone, but if your roommate is not keen on the walls shaking what volume does work for them when they are in the room? Also, remember this is a dorm, there may be rules as to how loud the music can be, you have a roommate, but you also have floormates.
6. What is that smell?
A bad smell in a dorm can be tough. Figure out the best way to ensure that the trash is taken out regularly. If you were one to keep dirty dishes and empty food boxes in your room at your parent’s house, I strongly recommend breaking that habit (I am sure your parents will appreciate this as well when you are visiting home 😉). But not all smells are bad, sometimes they are good, too good. Many people, me included, like those air freshener plug ins and spray spritz, or even body sprays and perfumes. Before you plug these in or decide on a scent, check with your roommate. Allergies are no joke, and you want to make sure that you are not creating an unhealthy living environment for your roommate. Not everyone can walk into Bath and Body Works and appreciate the array of scents. Another consideration is smoking, in any form, this is invasive and something that you cannot hide from in your dorm room. You can set the expectation that you do not want this in the room you share, just remember to be respectful when doing so.
7. Remain Open
Each of you comes from a different home, a different lifestyle, and different beliefs. These may be completely different from your own style or experiences. College is an opportunity to learn and grow, so recognize that your views may change during your college years. Be open to learning about new ideas, lifestyles, and experiences. Individual change is occurring around the country on college campuses this stands true for your dorm room. As the year moves on be open about your dorm room expectations and if need be making changes as needed. All the new experiences you will encounter represents part of what YOUR college journey is all about.
8. Address concerns early on.
The college journey is different for everyone and not every situation will be addressed when deciding on the living arrangements with your roommates. It may be hard, but if there is something going on that is not sitting right with you talk with your roommate right away. Be calm, don’t yell, just share what it is that you are struggling with in the room and come up with a solution together. Letting those little things fester may lead you to feel resentful towards your roommate. Also, do not take the viewpoint that your roommate should know this is bothering you and they should know to stop. If you do not share what is bothering you, they may think that whatever they are doing is ok with you. So address the concern early. If you do let the situation fester and it continues to grow, you still need to address it with your roommate. Remember a small problem can become a bigger problem if you continue to ignore it, do not find yourself saying ‘maybe I will get used to it’. If it bothers you, bring it up, it’s your room too.
9. Be Respectful
If you are not sure about something think about the golden rule, ‘treat others as you want to be treated’. It is a starting ground. Your dorm room is small, do not just respect each other’s things and space, respect each other’s opinions. You may or may not end up being BFFs with your college roommate, but like you, they are there to learn and experience their own college journey. Each of the ideas on this list begin with respecting each other so that you can enjoy your first year. You do not have to share everything, but you will be sharing space and time together so be conscious of that. If you are going out invite your roommate, even if you are not the best of friends. Ask each other how class was and if they found any cool places on campus to study or hang out. Share where the best coffee cart is on campus, I am sure you BOTH would appreciate that!
10. Be Honest and Realistic
Be honest with yourself and your roommate. You are likely to change as you go through your college journey, but there are some things that probably won’t. If you get annoyed when your brother or sister leave their wet towels all over the floor, you are probably going to continue being annoyed if your roommate does this. Perhaps the solution is your roommate leave the wet towel on the floor on their side of the closet, just a thought. This experience might be your first with compromising on different aspects, being honest will help you target the issues that you struggle living with. It is unrealistic for you to expect your roommate to change everything, just as you should not be expected to change all your habits but be honest about it and see if you can find a solution together.
As always, this list is not all inclusive, there are other suggestions, ideas, and recommendations, I have included some articles below if you would like to see some other ideas. This is a big change for you (and your roommate), and you want to get off on the right foot. This might not be your BFF for life but that does not mean you cannot find a new friend. Your college roommate will be someone that is be part of your college journey and no matter how it ends, that will never change. Being respectful, honest, and treating them as you want to be treated will hopefully help make the campus experience one you can look back on fondly. That and all the education you will be gaining.
This is your unique journey and the people you meet on campus and in the dorms are as unique as you are. You are each capable of great accomplishments and finding that middle ground in your dorm room may help you reach those accomplishments. Open your mind to all the new experiences you are about to have and know that your roommate will be going through new experiences too.
PS - Call your Mom & Dad I know they will be excited to hear how it’s going!
Until next time! Enjoy getting to know your College Roommate!
Dr. Danielle Kish struggled with her college journey, costing her time and money. Danielle’s hard work and research paid off, and she completed her doctorate in education. She is dedicated to helping students and families overcome obstacles, identifying the right questions to ask, and assisting in where to find the answers. Dr. Dani continues to focus on improving student success in the classroom through research, conference engagements, and publications. To read ‘The Full Story,’ visit the ABOUT page at College Questions, www.qar101.com.
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